R-E-S-P-E-C-T...They Can Spell It, but Can They Live It?

By Anna Ahmed, Former Elementary School Teacher and Social Worker, Co-Founder of the Women’s Home-Based Business Organization (WHO)

Turn on the television and you will see startling changes on how children interact with adults compared to ten years ago. Gone are the terms, “Yes ma’am,” and “no, sir.” “Please” and “thank you” are used sarcastically. How did the classic value of respect go the way of the dinosaurs? How do we teach children respect in a world that glorifies rude behavior?

Why is teaching children to be respectful important? “By encouraging kids to be respectful – of you, of themselves, of other people – you’re teaching them crucial lessons in empathy, honesty, tolerance, kindness, and gratitude,” says Michele Borba, author of Building Moral Intelligence. When we teach our children to be respectful, we cultivate many positive attributes.

Between the ages of two and five, children are most receptive to learning rules of polite conduct. Toddlers can say "please" and "thank you." Preschoolers can learn rules and consequences. "When children are very young," says Linda Altman, an educator, "they want to do anything you ask. Grab the appropriate behavior." When children are polite, they develop character – and make their parents look good.

Here are some tips for raising polite, well-mannered children:

1. Actions always speak louder than words. Observing parents and caregivers consistently being kind, respectful, and responsible will teach children to have empathy for others.

2. Teach your child to respect you. Teaching children to respect your parental role will help children understand the world does not revolve around them. Other needs sometimes come first.

3. Manners need to be taught. Establishing rules and creating consequences teach children to be respectful. It is the best solution for preventing hurtful situations as they interact with others.

4. Teach your child to respect themselves. Children can’t fully respect others until they learn to respect themselves. Children who feel good about themselves can make others feel good too.

5. Show respect and love for your child. Speak in respectful tones as you want your child to speak to you. Avoid empty praise – kids can tell the difference. Say “I love you" often and give hugs and kisses. If your child makes a mistake, remind them they are still loved.

6. Show respect and love for yourself...enough said? If you don’t respect yourself, how can you teach others to respect you?

7. Avoid overreacting. If your preschooler calls you "stinky-Mommy," try not to get upset. Instead, say "We don't call each other names in our family." Then show them how to get what they want by being respectful: "When you want me to help you, ask me nicely. Say, 'Mommy, I need help getting water, please.'” But don’t expect perfection or you might set yourself up for a manners war.

8. Praise respectful behavior. Reinforce your child's impromptu displays of politeness. But be specific. Say, "Thank you for knocking before you came in" instead of “Good girl.” Your child will learn that their efforts are worthwhile and appreciated.

Remember, children aren’t born with good manners or bad ones, either. Teaching a child what behavior is expected is a daily process. It's up to parents and caregivers to set the example before bad habits set in. When you teach children to be respectful, you instill good values, the building blocks of good manners.